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INTRODUCTION
The
following are methods I have employed to develop a positive attitude
about life in spite of my having a temperament that is largely critical
of the world around me. Common themes of many of the suggestions below
are developing spiritual sensitivity to oneself and to others,
promoting the willingness to challenge one's own perceptions, and
cultivating an openness to the many positive things those who are
different from ourselves have to offer us. Any resemblance to the
actual truth is probably coincidental.
While
this article may seem written for a Bahá'í audience, I hope that anyone
reading it will find something that can be of use in their own life. I
cannot promise that putting these methods into practice will guarantee
personal happiness, but I do believe they could assist others as much
as they have helped me.
THE HINTS
1. Find the good in people and their activities and praise them for it.
2.
Study the lives of accomplished people; discovering how they cleared
the hurdles in their lives can serve as an inspiration when you are
dealing with your own.
3. Avoid negative people whenever possible and cultivate relationships with those who have an uplifting view on life.
4. Never underestimate the ability of being tenacious in order to achieve your goals.
5. Change what you can in your life and accept what you can't as gracefully as possible.
6. Confront your paranoia by employing rigorous logic and comparing your fears to your actual life experiences.
7.
Try to not be easily offended by the thoughtless words and actions of
others. Use the "Consider the Source" method to deal with strident
statements made by others that we react strongly to. This method
consists of noting that everything we say is shaded by our particular
outlook on life. We can speak the truth as we see it, but no human
being can speak the total truth as it exists in its entirety.
8. See life as a perfecting process rather than a goal to reach someday when you would never have to face difficulty again.
9.
As an adult, accept responsibility for your personal situation and
realize that any change for the better must start with your own
outlook. Expect to have to take actions on your own behalf that those
around you may not always agree with.
10. Attempt to maintain a
balance between being independent of the opinions of others and
remaining interested in how they see the world; you may learn some
useful insights.
11. Know that your personal goals will modify themselves, sometimes radically, as you grow spiritually.
12.
Explore the method of emotionally letting go, even forgetting for a
while, an issue that is troubling you. I have used this method a number
of times and have been amazed how many problems will take care of
themselves if let alone.
13. Try repeating a phrase from a
prayer of religious writings to counteract recurring negative thoughts
or dwelling on negative situations.
14. If a negative situation
keeps replaying in your mind, try putting your thoughts and feelings
about it down on paper. This method can be calming when you are feeling
overwhelmed by the situation.
15. In my own life, one of my
toughest struggles has been to overcome my tendency to always have
someone or some situation to be worried or angry about. My wife slyly
suggests that I have a strong need for drama in my life, thus I create
it by getting worked up over so many things. Recognizing this, at times
unhealthy, pattern of behavior has helped me start to get in under
control. One method I use to lower my anxiety level about a situation
is to recall earlier similar situations in my life, remember that most
of them were eventually resolved, and bring to mind how much
unnecessary mental agony I put myself through about them.
16. Cultivate a humble attitude towards others' and your own humanity.
17. Examine your own habits and try to recognize those that stand in the way of further personal growth.
18.
Question your long-held assumptions about yourself and others.
Compassionate rationality can be an ally in seeing the truth about
yourself and others without emotionally beating yourself or them up.
19.
Try altering the emphasis of intellectual endeavors from excessive
criticalness/fault-finding to more detached analytic mode. Such
dispassionate analytical thinking need not be any less rigorous than
the harsh criticism we are used to, but it can penetrate the truth of
the matter further since it is less tainted by personal prejudices and
unrealistic desires. Express your devotion to the truth in the most
loving way you can. Avoid mean-spiritedness towards anyone; even those
whom you most vehemently disagree with.
20. Remember that the
purpose of physical life is not for us to judge ourselves or others,
but rather to experience; then uses our experiences to better ourselves
and inspire others.
21. Be willing to examine your own opinions
and intellectual notions, even consider modifying them as life gives
you evidence that they may not be in accordance with reality.
22.
Note that Bahá'u'lláh condemns fanaticism in the Bahá'í Faith at the
same time He rejects timidity and lack of steadfastness:
In
this Day, We can neither approve the conduct of the fearful that
seeketh to dissemble his faith, nor sanction the behavior of the avowed
believer that clamorously asserteth his allegiance to this Cause. Both
should observe the dictates of wisdom, and strive diligently to serve
the best interests of the Faith. - Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá'u'lláh, Page 343
23.
Avoid inordinate dependence on others; especially those whom you
admire. Strive to develop your own unique viewpoint on the world.
24.
Practice true respect for those whose views differ from your own, no
matter what their beliefs. This can be one of the most difficult
aspects of putting the Bahá'í concept of unity in diversity into action.
25.
Realize that in some sense, everyone creates their own unique belief
system, some more consciously than others. Try to accept that those who
give their belief system the same name you give yours will not always
agree on many of the finer points with you. This diversity in overall
unity can be a source of richness and delight in your belief system,
rather than leading you to dismay or despondency. Remember, total
consensus is rarely attained, so celebrate the main areas of agreement
instead.
26. Think about one implication of diversity being that
everyone has something special and unique to offer; the same is true
for each human culture. The diversity of outlooks and personalities is
as critical to the spiritual health of humanity as is diversity of
cultures.
27. Set boundaries on what is healthy for you to give
in terms of your time, financial resources, and emotional energy.
Remember that you are responsible for managing your personal resources
in a way that keeps you a happy and stable person regardless of the
often excessive demands, even those that are worthwhile, that others
make upon you. Also be aware that different people have different
levels of capacity in what they can give of themselves to those causes
and interests that you share with them. People live their lives at
differing levels of intensity; this is yet another form of diversity
that we as Bahá'ís would be well served to respect.
28. We are
all called by Bahá'u'lláh to give up certain cherished notions, habits,
and opinions in order to help build the New World Order. Each human
culture must likewise accept the necessity of discarding those
spiritually deadening elements it contains, if a unified Human race is
to coalesce out of the chaos of the present.
29. Ponder the
thought that while the Bahá'í Faith offers the new spiritual framework
upon which we Bahá'ís believe a future world culture will be based,
other belief systems, religious and secular, may also have key roles to
play in bringing our hoped for glorious age about.
30. My final
suggestion is in some ways the most radical. Consider the idea that you
may have to choose between being happy much of the time or seeing
yourself as always "right" all the time:
In order to
find truth we must give up our prejudices, our own small trivial
notions; an open mind is essential. If our chalice is full of self,
there is no room in it for the water of life. The fact that we imagine
ourselves to be right and everybody else wrong is the greatest of all
obstacles in the path towards unity, and unity is essential if we would
reach Truth, for Truth is one . . . . - 'Abdu'l-Bahá, Paris Talks, Page 136
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